Seed catalogs

Well, here we are at the end of 08, and looking at seed catalogs taking on a whole new meaning for me now that I have more than a few feet to garden in. I'm alternately excited but also intimidated. Our garden (2nd harvest garden) that we managed to throw in mid July right when we were moving in, did phenomenally well. It was exciting, and confidence building. We had squash pests galore, but it hit that balance organic gardeners speak of where the pests seem satisfied, but aren't thriving too magnificently, and yet we get enough. Our harvest was huge! But the garden we are planning will be 5 x the size, at least.

The vegetable gardening was always going to be part of our farming, while we have emphasized thinking about the livestock in our planning. The whole point really is to reclaim this integrated system where there are just enough animals per acre to improve soil quality, there is fertility to share with plants producing vegetables, and vegetable matter to share with animals. I just now asked Red how feasible is it to get a mill to grind our grain- the thought of home -ground corn meal for fabulous eating AND milling our organically grown corn for the chickens at least- is very exciting. But how much can two women do in a day when we are also working full time at our 'off farm jobs?' Now those of you who know me know that it's pretty unlike me to think about being less ambitious. I, well, have a tendency perhaps, to take on a little more than the average human. Maybe it's just that I have some sort of flu-bug this weekend (thank you Oscillo and Uncle Robb for providing it) my symptoms are manageable but I feel really weak and exhausted/achy- etc. And maybe it's my memory of my pnuemonia, which still plagues my energy level these months later, but I suppose I'm a little reined in from my 'we can do it all' enthusiasm. So I'm so excited to pin down our plans- to plan when we'll get our broiler chicks, when we'll start our seeds (and where????), will we start fencing this year to get going with grazing cattle? will we have to put more deer fencing up around our garden now that they may have figured out some fool is gardening here again? (last season we had very little lost to the invisible voles and 13 stripers that are very plentiful and NO signs of deer in our garden.) And then there's the issue of the pigs- when and where will we raise em again and MIGHT we keep one or two for farrowing? We still aren't sure they are all sold- and the date of slaughter is coming up in less than a month. We still need to buy a freezer AND a pickup.

So I think of all these 'one thing leads to another' elements of starting a farm and I'm a bit humbled for sure. I looked up the county extension's Master Gardener courses. Maybe I need to learn more. (Of course I need to learn more but how urgently do I need to consume the books, classes, etc? and should it be on vegetable growing, or livestock or husbandry? ) We will go to more conferences this spring. Plan to go to Mosa- and I'm awed to think how different my perspective will be from last year. We were just DREAMING last year- and I was being introduced to farming in many ways. Now we're really DOING it.

So I'm poring over the seed catalogs and making our lists. My baby is away for the holiday and it's hard, but reasonable. It's brief enough that I'm not so torn apart. But when summer comes, so much emptiness. Birkleigh wanted us to grow a picking garden- she mostly sick of my limitations that all flowers cannot be plucked! And I know that we will only maybe have time together to put the seeds in the ground and then she'll be gone. I know me- I'll be frantic to stay busy from dawn till dusk. I know I'll be learning about nurturing and letting go each day as I do chores with the animals, till up the soil, weed the rows. Honestly, I think I'm not afraid of the work, but I'm afraid of failing at it. Each crop that we put on our list I think of how awesome it would be if it grew just like the catalog pictures :). I guess I just hope that my work will come to harvest and it's not lost on me that this mystery ahead is like parenting- I suppose each year will be another newborn and I will be put to the test. Maybe I'll learn that you just keep trusting and do your best, learn what you can from the wise ones who came before you, and feel awe and pride for each seedling that becomes something nourishing and sustaining, each animal that gives us food and fertility. And maybe I won't worry so much about what doesn't come out the way I hoped.

As this year closes, I could not be more grateful. I can't believe my partnership is so satisfying and good, and has survived all the many stressors of the past year. I'm grateful for every moment we have as family and the everyday calm of making meals together, caring for each other and the farm. I'm grateful for peace, hope, health and abundance and for the perspective that comes from it's absence. I'm grateful for friends and family (both old and new). I'm grateful for the land that today emerges from the many feet of snow that is melting with a rare warm day. I'm grateful for the chance to try out something as meaningful, awesome, and challenging as sustainable farming.