No- of course not. We baked and decorated cookies, truffles, and other holiday treats, decorated the tree, Red fixed our lights (a frustrating task no doubt) and visited the santa man. It was nice to just focus on our family. It will be my first holiday away from her we are all getting used to the new configurations of time apart. She is also talking of summer, which is early this year ;) to be wishing winter away. She is imagining it on the farm, when in reality she will spend it with her other mom. She talks of growing our garden, planting our picking garden (she wants to grow flowers with me and have a garden where she can pick all the flowers she wants- so maybe we'll be selling some cut flowers!) and I am gripped with sadness at how the summer will be without her. I can't help realizing how much it ties in with any farming plans and how my feelings about the seasons are changing. When summer comes, my daughter will go. I was thinking about how it is for parents as their children go off to college, leave home. I've been thinking more about being that older parent, in a new phase of my life. How much letting go is still ahead. So maybe I'll be a farming maniac come summer filling up all that time spent on mothering creating something else. Or maybe I'll want to crawl away and wither, like Demeter without Persephone. But that is ahead- and now I am appreciating the winter and the darkness and our snuggling in. Even if she is sassy to me. I'll just hug her tighter.
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